~Yarnalong: I'm going to go over the "yarn" portion of the along today, because this isn't going to be an easy post......I'm on the edge of my WonderWoman Shawl design and I am so in love with how these colors and design came together. The yarn is from Twisted Owl Fiber Studio and this will be a new design that will be on display at TNNA in Cleveland. I am so excited about how all this came together, and look forward to sharing the story, and design with you.
I'm reading- to myself, and to my children, Judith Viorst's The Tenth Good Thing about Barney. I've had this book on my shelf for years, probably close to 9 or 10 years now. I purchased it after a recommendation from a MOPS mentor that I treasure shared it at a meeting as a "very helpful book for helping children deal with loss, in particular that of a pet" This particular mentor is someone that I value as being wise, caring, and knowledgeable about life in general, and I am particularly fond of her because she seemed to always have a book recommendation! Wherever she is today, I hope she is blessed and happy. I'm particularly grateful for her recommendation and that I took the time to seek out this book all those years ago and that I've kept it on my shelves because I knew I would need it "for such a time as this". I grieved with this book when I lost my Jack Russel baby, Taylor a few months ago. That loss was a loss the was expected, and something that we had prepared for, for years. Taylor was a dog that should have been a cat. She loved to sit in a sunny spot, was not hyper and high strung like most Jack Russels, instead she preferred to be a "lap cat" would sleep under the covers at your feet, didn't bark, and loved her naps. There were many times that we thought she was at the end, only to have her come back the next day, energetic and happy. But as the years progressed, and she got older (she was just over 13 years when it was time to say good bye), we knew that it was time. Time hasn't healed that wound, but in the days leading up to letting her go, we were able to say good bye, share memories and prepare. It didn't necessarily make it easier, but I could brace myself. I knew what was coming.
But not this time. Our Corgi, Weasley (named after the "Weasley's" in Harry Potter because of his red fur!), died Sunday, unexpectedly and without preparation. There was no warning, no bracing myself, one minute he was here, in the next breath, he wasn't. And I'm not ok with it. Add in the fact that Sunday was Mother's Day and it's just been an emotional storm I was not made to weather. (I think Mother's Day could have it's own post battling it's own set of issues......) Not only has this sudden loss shaken my core, but it's also stormed into the lives of the rest of our family. The older children, cognitively, know that Weasley is dead, but they need someone to blame. However, the newly turned 4 year old is having the most difficult time because he knows, but he doesn't know. The concept of death is not something that he can fully grasp (and honestly, who really can? I know I'm struggling with it- the fairness, the why, they how could this happen, oh my goodness, what if I just drop dead right here right now because my heart stops because I'm going a mile a minute and never stopping and and and and) Between reading this book, and watching a Daniel Tiger episode, it's helped. There is no textbook on walking your young child through loss (or maybe there is and I just missed it!), and there is no one size fits all solution to helping them through it. What has helped us, has been watching the episode where Daniel Tiger's fish dies. Daniel's Father is so calm, and so patient with Daniel as he explains what has happened, Reading this story together (and watching mommy cry), has provided opportunities for the middle children to feel safe to express their feelings, and to share their emotions. If you are facing a death, a loss, in your life, and you have young children (and even if you don't have children, these have both helped me!), I highly recommend these resources, as well as the episode where Mr. Rogers talks about death. Hearing someone else explain it, in calm, caring, words sometimes is just what you need when you just can't start to understand.
I'm not ready to make a list of the 10 good things about Weasley, but everyday , I am reminded by how much a part of our family he was. And I feel that ache, that loss, that grief again. But I also smile and remember, I remember how much he meant to us, and how very fragile this gift of life is. It's a reminder to not waste it, to not loose it, but to embrace each moment, each second, as your last. In his last breath, in his last moment on this earth, my sweet doggy wanted one last pet from him person, from me, he sat by me and waited for me to pet him and acknowledge him. May we all be so blessed in our last moments that we feel safe, and free, to find that which means the most to us.
Dearest readers, I am so very sorry if any of you are facing a loss in your lives this week. Know my heart is aching for you and with you. May you find some comfort, somewhere, may you find the peace you so desperately need. I'm here and I care. And when you need to, as Daniel's father says, "Ask questions about what happened. It might help."
Live Loved dear ones, my hope for you today is that you Live Loved.